Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Back in the Pilates Saddle 

Whew! What a whirlwind week it has been. Busier than usual, but manageable. This is the first day that I don't have something early in the morning. So, I am taking time to do a Friday Freewrite Fifteen. Since I journal these "Morning Pages," it has not happened as much, and I see that I attempted one the end of March, but I never finished.

I miss these, but the "Morning Pages" have been really good, and I will finish them on Sunday morning! 252 pages of journaling since January 1st, three pages a day (but sometimes I did not do three). It took me 30-40 minutes each day, and I really loved it. There really is something about journaling that helps. It is brain science. 

I realized that Christmas to Easter was full, and now I can breathe. I was not overly busy, but it was full because Joanne, Micah, and Bri were back, alumni weekend, going to Southeast Asia, getting COVID, guiding two people through the Exercises, helping with Marty and Sandy's Cohort 8. All very good things, but I see the horizon ahead has much less in my schedule, and for that, I am very grateful.

I am doing well with the Lord. Hey, I should schedule something with Fran. I was not always good to meet with her. I think I met with her nine times in 2023. So, that isn't too bad (every six weeks or so), but I want to meet with her every month. Part of it is all the traveling she has done, and I also meet periodically with Cammie and Sister Joan. So that plays into it. Sister Joan was so excited that I came to visit her last time, and I really want to go again and visit her. 

I think I will visit a spiritual director when I am in the Trappist Abbey too. I have already paid for two nights June 10-12, and I am going to just book it every three months if I can (except the December time away because I do my Day of Prayer with Teala, and it is too muddy to hike up the hills there - I went there in January once and came back covered in mud after a hike. I suppose I could not hike, but it is easier to just walk around here and do my traditional walk around the Oregon State University campus. 

By the way, I am so glad I am "back in the Pilates Saddle"! It has been so good to move my body more by riding my bike there and back and doing a full 50 minutes of exercise that I usually skimp on because I do that when I do it by myself! 

I unsure if I can teach in the summer though. We are on a trip from July 6 to July 20. Then it is my anniversary and birthday week the 21st and 27th. So, we will see. I wish I could just job share with Sarah. Maybe I will approach her about that because the fall might be crazy if we decide to go to Amsterdam and possibly Spain for more of the Camino! We will see!

Oh, what a great day it is going to be. Oh, by the way, I have lost about 20 pounds. I have been recording for 84 days now! I have only had a few days that I have gone over my goal. So, it has been about 20. I am unsure where I started pounds-wise because I did not want to go by the scale. I want to feel where my body is at because the other way I don't feel when I am gaining weight. My clothes always fit. That is what happens when you are tall. I don't notice when I gain. And for sure, others don't notice when I lose. Most people don't notice until it is 30 pounds, and I don't need to lose that much. We will see. I am just waiting to see how comfortable my hiking pants and fancy black dress are on me.

TTFN and TGIF! 

Freewrite Friday: Contemplating JOY

From: https://www.sparklesofsunshine.com/beauty-for-ashes-free-printable/

I went into a Centering Prayer time with Meditation Chapel this morning for a 25-minute sit. I want to sit twice a day this spring. I don't want to be legalistic about it, but I am reading this book, Practicing the Pause: Jesus Contemplative Practice, New Brain Science, and What it Means to be Fully Human, and reading about her excellent explanations of brain Science combined with contemplative practices and how this relates to Centering Prayer and Thomas Keating's explanation of "Emotional Programs for Happiness" are pretty concise and brilliant. I am also combining it with what I have been learning from Michael Sullivant in the course I took last summer called The Other Half of Church and the current one I am almost done with going through the book Renovated. Then thinking about Michael talking about how our amygdala leaks joy from past trauma and even current things happening. That's why the "Activating Joy" exercise has been so powerful with people and myself. I think this overlaps with the "Golden Moments" that he purports, but the Life Model Works people don't really know about Contemplative Practices that much and how people have been doing these things for centuries. 

I am still figuring that all out, but today, my mind did wander during Centering Prayer (I let go of the thought, but I am coming back to it now in this freewrite), and this verse came to mind:

He gives beauty for ashes

The oil of JOY for mourning

A garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness

That we might be trees of righteousness

A planting for the Lord

That He might be glorified. 

(I am more going by the words of the song from the 70s - I will look up the actual verse after this freewrite.) 

Here is the actual verse in the NIV that is closest to the song above:

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:3)

I am thinking about the "Activating Joy" exercise, and how many of my joyful moments and "Golden Memories" were encounters with BEAUTY. There is something about seeing a sunset, looking out over a lake, or seeing the moon on the water that brings me into raptures of JOY.

I think about the OIL OF JOY for mourning and think about how Michael talks about how our amygdala "leaks joy" and how we can pour joy into it by recalling memories of joy.

Then at the end of the time of Centering, she read this Mary Oliver poem (the beginning is commentary from the blog I found it on that I will link after I am done with this freewrite.):

In this one, the poet seems to acknowledge that it is often hard to simply live in and enjoy the moment, perhaps because we are afraid it can't last. She urges us to give in to that moment and fully experience the joy. Although "much can never be redeemed, still, life has some possibility left."

Don't Hesitate

by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

From this blog: https://www.thenatureofthings.blog/2021/09/poetry-sunday-dont-hesitate-by-mary.html

It is about living into the joy of the present moment, giving into it, and I think that this is valid and goes with the brain science and how God wired us. He wants to give us joy. 

It also relates to the Order of the Mustard Seed Prayer Watch I was just in, and how we talked about Sabbath, and how the Pharisees condemned Jesus, and I think there was joy in His life that they wanted to squelch and squeeze out.

I am done and must get up! 

BYE.

Freewrite Friday

I know I put this quote at the beginning of my last Freewrite, but I put it in "Quote Fancy," and I like this picture that I could download. 

Being a reservoir is so important! This week was a good reservoir week for me. I had a lot less outpouring. There has been a lot of outpouring lately. Still have lots of good, rich time with God, but this week, I had even more because my load of directees was low, and I had no groups to lead or teaching groups to do. 

It was lovely. I spent time dreaming about our vacation in July. I taught the Instinctual Variants last week twice, and I think it is very good because I always evaluate how much my Social Instinct is "running wild." I don't think I had run wild to a neurotic degree, but I have had lots of social, and the last "social" was hosting J's sharing about her time in Iraq. It was many hours of preparation and hosting from 3-8. I was tired on Monday, and it was just the conclusion of a very long string of things that were more social in nature. It was very rich and wonderful but social, nonetheless.

I was so glad to have the whole week to recover including not going to Perspectives to hear someone speak whom I know. I just was still recovering, and I had gone to NWHill to support S as they had International Women's Day. So, that was about all I was going to do socially this week. So, I spent more time in my Sexual instinct this week dreaming of our vacation. It was really healthy for me to get out of my "work" on the computer. There are many projects that I see in the future

• Preparing my Body and Soul Spiritual Formation and Direction Training Curriculum
• Updating the "Enneagram and Presence" PowerPoints and accompanying handouts.
• Preparing to lead my next Supervision Group
• Finding the Enneagram/MBTI Correlation Handout

However, I felt it was important not to work more than meeting with the directees I had (1-2 a day) and planning the excursions we would take while we are on our 12-day trip. There was one trip - I cannot remember which one - where I had no time to dream and plan beforehand (maybe the North Cascades?).

I also had fun watching the OSU/Colorado Women's Basketball game yesterday that went into double overtime! Very exciting, and I didn't get too nervous.

So, today, I am going to bike to work, teach Pilates, go to Cardio Dance, and come back for a very quiet weekend. I will do art with George on Saturday morning, church on Sunday morning, and group on Sunday afternoon (with the possibility of watching the Oscars if group does not meet).

So, there you go. I have 1:57 to go on the timer. Then I will go to more planning, I think. 

I have a nice day planned. Oh, I also got in to see Dr. Myers this week, and I was late to cancel with Dr. Weigel, but he graciously forgave that. That was such a nice blessing!

Well, TTFN. TGIF!

Freewrite

Here I go for fifteen minutes. I did not do the fifteen-minute freewrite Friday as I thought. And I totally missed this last Friday. So, I am doing it on Monday. 

Now that I am doing Morning Pages (The Artist's Way practice of three notebook-sized pages, handwritten, first thing in the morning), I don't do as many freewrites here, but I am still wanting to do it on Friday. I like typing. It is somehow very soothing for me.

This morning was good. I had Morning Pages, and the theme was about abundance. The whole thought is that God supplies an abundance for all. 

I thought about the verse. I think it is Psalm 66:12: "We went through fire and through water, but you have brought us out to a place of abundance." Another version says "well-watered place" which goes along with the whole theme of this blog that I have had for so many years. The "Well-Watered Soul." That is what I want. It also goes along with all the videos that Nancy has sent me over the years of the spring behind her house that is always pouring out water, even in the heat of summer. It never dries up, and that is our God. She calls it "Carol's spring," but it is God's spring that He has me tapping into. It is all good.

So, the theme of morning pages was about pouring out for the benefit of others and pouring out for the benefit of your own soul, and it makes me think of that Clairvaux quote. I will put it at the top of this whole freewrite. It is about being a RESERVOIR versus being a CHANNEL. Thankful to fill the reservoir from that ever-flowing stream these days.

After morning pages and meditation in Psalm 66:12, I got the house all ready for Valentina and Pieter. That took some time. I hoped to have some Centering Prayer time with my directee, but I did it with her because she had never done it before. 

Interesting that the women that I supervise through this one particular spiritual direction training program were NEVER exposed to Centering Prayer. So sad. It is so helpful, and the women I supervise are eating it up. :)

So, here I am with you God. After I had time with my directee (making a decision about whether she should join a team or not), I got out of the house with the 49 minutes of sunshine that I was supposed to have until the third wave of rain came in. I went to the bank to deposit two checks, and it said my card had expired, but I got nothing in the mail. They discontinued my card because I had not used it for 10 months! She said that I had to use it once a month, but I know that it is NOT right. So, after her telling me about four times that it was once a month, I said, "Are you sure?" She asked her colleague, and he said, "It is every 10-11 months." So, there you go. I knew she was wrong, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was wrong. So, I just have to remember to use it. I use my debit card sparingly. And George gets us cash all the time, or my directees who pay me in cash keep me in cash. I prefer to use my credit card and earn miles. So, anyway. I got a new card right there on the spot.

Then I walked to Joanne's Fabrics and got a beginning acrylic paint kit. I had signed up for this class online, and it was discounted at 90% off, but then there were all these things you had to buy to do the class, and I thought, "Forget this - it is too complicated and a lot more expensive." I just want to do a weekly "artist's date" (part of the morning pages requirement). So, I thought that class would help, but it stressed me out. So, I asked for a refund and got it right away. 

So, now I have 10 sheets of paper, pains, and a beginner's guide for 8.99! I also could use my new card which is a tap card! So, that was really fun for me.

So, now the sun has come out again, and I might talk George into taking me on a date because it was a busy morning.

I also had K drop by to pick up a book, and Geo had taken it away from our porch thinking someone had dropped off a book. Why didn't he ask me? He does so much by his "gut" and can never explain his logic to me. It has helped me to understand that about a Type Nine!

Buzzer ringing! Bye.

Coming Away from Centering Prayer: Freewrite Fifteen

I will no doubt have another freewrite tomorrow, but I thought I would write for about 15 minutes on my day in Centering Prayer. I decided to have three 20-minute sits, and it has been so settling, so unbelievably good.

I don't know the ins and outs of that, but I think God delights when I pause and practice His presence. I find Centering Prayer a good way for me to do that. Touch points throughout the day to say, "Hi God, I want to look at you. I want to set aside to gaze at you in all Your beauty and glory." 

I cannot say I will do that tomorrow, but today, it was the thing I was led to do, and there is fruit from it. 

The "With God" life. His "presence is the point" as John would say. I'm hungry for it. 

I didn't stay for the first sit discussion. I just sat with many people in one of the Meditation Chapel rooms. It was lovely. Then I sat again and stayed for the discussion afterward. That was nice. Then, there is my OMS group that I help lead, but I was not leading today. Francesca read such a nice poem. 

So, Lent begins. Maybe I will give up other things to have more times like today. Sitting in God's presence. It doesn't mean that there won't be action from that contemplation. I met with a woman for the first time today, even though I have known her for about 12 years. It just worked out for us to meet one-on-one for spiritual direction. It was lovely. Then I meet with another I have been meeting with for the last eight months or so. I go into it with a stillness of heart, a steady understanding of the "with me/presence" that is centered in the soul rather than just in my head. That is nice. 

I've talked a lot about this practice in the last week. Meeting with experienced people for direction and supervision, two of the women were not introduced to it in their spiritual direction training. I wonder why? It was the first thing we were introduced to in mine. Thank you, Marty and Sandy - Contemplative Activists. Great trainers. Highly recommend them!

One said, it was after she left the people who did her training that she learned about it, and it has been life-changing for her. The other had never even heard of it, and we had a lovely talk about that. Both sponges! I love spongy people (I don't think that is a word, but I am going with it because this is just a freewrite). 

So, I like this long adventure of Centering Prayer that started in 2018 in earnest (having dabbled for quite some time). COVID helped as I found a group that could mentor me in the practice. So grateful. I have made some lovely friends in the process. Again, so grateful. 

So, there is my little diddy on Centering Prayer. Just felt like writing about it since I just came out of a sit with the wonderful OMS people! Love all the people I am with these days. Truly a gift. 

TTFN. 

FRIDAY FIFTEEN FREEWRITE

Alexa is set for fifteen minutes. This will be the third Friday in a row I am doing a Freewrite. WOOHOO!

Wow! What a week. I finally was able to be adjusted to the Pacific time zone. Just in time for my talk to spiritual directors in training about the Enneagram. I think it went well. I know that I feel like I was well-prepared, rested, and walking with Him through it. 

I tried to emphasize that it is not about knowing a number. It is about understanding your core fears that motivate you to alleviate that core fear, and how that can keep us from hearing God's voice and being with him and in His presence. 

It is about practicing the "pause" where we can S.T.O.P. and "See - Triggers - Open to - Presence." That is Clare Loughriges acronym, and I think it is really helpful. It is about "catching yourself in the acts" as my instructor, Russ Hudson, says!

So, I passed that on to one of my directees. I made a handout that explains this, along with breath prayers, and alliterative affirmations that help you step into your harmony of heart, head, and body. 

I think it was well-received, and the person who I thought maybe would be super skeptical gave me such a nice affirmation at the end. Totally unexpected and unsolicited. And more importantly: I didn't need it! I knew that I did what God had for me to do, and He is my audience of One. So, I am really grateful.

I am also grateful that it is done. I put a lot of time into it, and I am glad I will have it for my group when I start my own training. 

I also decided to take on another day of teaching. Teaching for Faculty Staff Fitness is SO MUCH less stressful. I don't have any outside work other than going to teach the class. I also can take fitness classes, and if I add another day, I can go to a weightlifting class that is not offered on the other day I teach. So, it will get me into better shape. I am so grateful.

I am also surprisingly enjoying leading the Order of the Mustard Seed Prayer Watch on Fridays. It doesn't seem like too much. I was going to do an Imaginative Contemplation in Jesus Healing the Demoniac, but at the last minute, I decided to change to Jesus' teaching about abiding in the Upper Room. That was really nice. It was so nice because one of the newer ladies came on early and was so glad it was just her because she wanted to thank me for Fridays and was really loving it. 

Again, nice to hear, but I didn't need to it. It is so great to become free of the approval of people. 

So, I actually finished a book today. So glad I have some actual bandwidth to read. 

Now, we are going out with M and her Mom since she is visiting. Middle Eastern food. YUM! It should be nice, but I have to go and decide what to wear! I took a shower after teaching and put my pajamas on. 

This weekend, all I have on the schedule is talking to Miss Debbie B at 10 am! This should be fun because we have not talked since before Christmas (I think). 

So much has happened since then. Next week is only two directees a day and no preparing for speaking. What on earth will I do with my time? LOL!

Well, off to Middle Eastern food. They make the best HUMMUS in town

Oh, and we are going to a Superbowl Party. WOOHOO! I love the people we are involved with. It is just a great group of people. They go all over the world, but they just happen to almost all be here for the Superbowl. Actually, next week, they will ALL be here because John and Katherine are coming up, and we are all having FAMILY TIME! I cannot wait. Love these people with all my heart.

TTFN! 

Fifteen Minutes Friday Freewrite

I am going to lead an Imaginative Contemplation in one hour from now. I volunteered to lead this Friday Prayer Watch before I knew that I would be going to Southeast Asia, and it has been tough to get up early. I always forget that it is much harder coming back from SEA than going there. I sleep in here when I get back, and it takes me a good two weeks before my body is calibrated to the change in 16 time zones; about a day for each hour. Two days ago, I woke up at 7:00 am for a 7:15 am spiritual direction session! I must remember if I do it again, I will only do spiritual direction sessions in the afternoon; which is true for most of next week. Actually, 9:00 am works too. 8:30 for a prayer watch cuts it for me because even though I wake up before then, I am used to getting up so early and having long and leisurely times with God at my desk. 

All that said, the time with the directee was nice. She is making a decision about whether she will stay in her location, and I am processing it all with her. 

Next week, I will have an early morning Tuesday Supervision Group, my first one post the organization I was doing it for. I didn't really mean to "strike out" on my own, but a group from that group asked me to supervise them, and I am going to do it for six months and then send them out on their own in a Peer Supervision way, and they will do just fine. 

I was asked to talk about spiritual mentoring at a church, but it is right at the end of a hectic three weeks back, and I think I will say, "No" to it. It also influences me that one of my friends won't be there to support me because she will be on vacation. I think I need to go on vacation! SEA was really not a vacation. George was at work all day, and sometimes, she was gone into the evening. Asians must not like to mix work with the employee's family because no one wanted me to come along for dinner. Sigh. I didn't mind, but we only had one day to "play" together on Sunday in Penang. So, it would be nice to go on a mini-vacation with George or even with our kids (so happy they love to go on vacation with us even though they are adults). 

Which brings me to what we might be doing during Spring Break. I teach on the 15th. Thankfully, I don't have to do a "makeup" class on Finals week because that was the first day back after the snow storm (and my first day back after flying back from SEA). So, my last day will be the 15th of March. We had originally signed up to go to Northern Cyprus for a huge prayer conference, but now we are wondering if we should go now that we know M is not going, and none of the rest of the gang even signed up (except M and B, but they will already be in the region). I was so sure we would go when we originally signed up, but now, I cannot imagine getting on another plane. We love the flight from PDX to Amsterdam because it is a direct 10-hour flight which is never the same as flying 15-16 hours across the Pacific Ocean. I like the flight over because you leave in the afternoon from PDX so you don't have to fight the morning or evening traffic to get there. Then you wake up in AMS at 8:05 am. We could get a local flight, but already, the extra legroom flight is astronomically priced! 

Oh that is fifteen minutes, and I need to get to "Jesus Calms the Storm" Imaginative Contemplation.